I Never
by StringynKel
Summary: Jessie, James, and a bottle of Vodka. You do the math.


"Well this was a bust."

"Oh, shut up!"

"I'm just saying-"

"Well, don't!"

Jessie sighed as she and James picked themselves off of the ground for what felt like the hundredth time that month.

"Maybe if we'd-"

"JAMES!" Jessie shrieked, rounding on her blue-haired partner, who wisely closed his mouth.

"S-so now what do we do?" James hazarded to speak after a moment of watching Jessie leaning against a tree with her head in her hands.

"I don't know," Jessie groaned, letting herself slide down the trunk of the tree until she was sitting on the ground. "Those little twerps are probably long gone by now, and besides, we don't have any money, so even if they were here it's not like we can do anything."

James stood in silence for a moment, watching his partner with a pitying expression on his face. Suddenly, an idea struck him.

"Well, there is _something_ we can do," he suggested slyly, digging around in his bag.

"Hm?" Jessie looked up at her partner quizzically. "What's that?"

James didn't reply at first; he was too busy rummaging around in his knapsack. Finally, he stood up, holding a bottle in his hand.

"Tada!" he exclaimed, grinning like an idiot.

"What is that?" Jessie asked, her curiosity slowly overtaking her sense of failure.

"Just a little something I've been saving for a moment when we're feeling really down," James replied, fishing out two small glasses from his bag.

Jessie leaned in to examine the bottle more closely. "James, is that…"

"Yep! I stole it off the St. Anne's before we had to jump ship, and I've been carrying it around ever since, looking for an excuse to use it." James busied himself with pouring shots of vodka for both Jessie and himself.

"That's your bright idea? Just get drunk and everything will be fine?" Jesse asked incredulously.

"Well, I don't see you coming up with any big plans," James retorted.

Jessie opened her mouth to speak, but for once she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Give me that," she finally sighed, grabbing one of the shots and downing it. "Yeach!" she spluttered almost immediately after swallowing.

"First time drinking?" James asked, stifling a giggle.

"Yeah, so?" Jessie admitted, glaring at the blue haired man next to her. "I suppose you're a regular alcoholic yourself, then?"

"I may have had a few glasses of champagne at some parties back home," James replied, blushing.

"So this is your first time drinking, too, then," Jessie guessed, probably correctly.

James glared at her and emptied his shot as well, desperately holding back the cough that threatened to follow.

"Well," Jessie complained after James's eyes had stopped watering, "what are we supposed to do now?"

"Hmmm…" James pondered, idly tossing his empty shot glass from one hand to the other. "We could play a drinking game."

"What kind of drinking game?" Jessie asked, trying not to sound too interested.

"Well, there was this one that my parents used to play. It was called 'I Never' and the people playing it would say things like 'I've never been skydiving' and everyone who'd been skydiving would take a shot, and they'd all go around in a circle saying things they'd never done, and everyone who'd done them would take a drink," James explained.

"Sounds better than just sitting around," Jessie consented, handing James her shot glass for a refill.

"Okay, I'll start," James said, refilling their glasses as he thought of something to ask. "Let's see… I never flunked out of nursing school."

Jessie glared at her partner as she took a shot – he knew that was a touchy subject. "My turn. I never ran away from home rather than buck up and face my responsibilities like a man."

It was James's turn to glare now as he drained his glass. He would have to think of a good one. "I never lost ten partners in one month in the Team Rocket training academy."

Jessie growled as she refilled and subsequently downed her shot. "I never wore fake boobs."

James groaned as he reached for the bottle.

~*~*~

Several hours later, Jessie and James were still going at it, their questions becoming more and more bizarre the drunker they got.

"I never voluntarily jumped onto a Snorlax," James announced, spilling vodka down his shirt. He raised an eyebrow as Jessie drained her glass and handed it back to him to be refilled.

"It's a long story," Jessie murmured as James handed her back her glass. "I never joined the circus. I mean really joined it, not pretended to join it for one of our weird schemes."

"Does that bike gang we joined count?" James inquired.

"No, you moron, why would it?" Jessie replied, mercifully too drunk to slap him for his stupidity.

"Just asking," James grumbled into his glass. "Hmmm…" the mischievous glint in his eye should have served as a warning as to what was coming next, but Jessie was currently swaying back and forth, mesmerized by the bottle in front of her. "I've never kissed a girl."

Jessie dropped her shot glass. "What are you trying to say?"

"I was just wondering," James answered. "Why, _have_ you ever kissed a girl?"

"No, have you?" Jessie replied, glaring daggers at her partner.

"I just said that I haven't," James stated, staring at the redhead before him as though she were the world's biggest idiot. "Your turn."

"Better get that bottle ready, Jimmy, I've got a good one," Jessie grinned. "I've never kissed a boy."

James reached for the bottle.

"HA!" Jessie shouted triumphantly. "I knew it!"

"Knew what?" James asked mid-swig, spilling vodka all over his clothes.

"That you're gay!" Jessie answered, standing up and doing a little jig, only to stumble and fall on top of James.

"I am not!" James cried, blushing furiously. "It was high school, there was this party, there were drugs, you know how it is!"

"No, I don't," Jessie muttered into James's shoulder.

"Here," James growled, lifting his partner so that they were face to face, "I'll prove it to you. Would any fag do _this?"_

"What? What are you-?" Jessie began, but her words were cut short.

It took a minute for things to register in Jessie's alcohol-soaked mind, but once they did, she was too stunned to react. James was kissing her. James. Was kissing. Her. _With tongue._ He tasted kind of like cotton candy. Jessie pulled away and shook her head. Cotton candy? She must have been more drunk than she had thought.

"What the hell was that?" Jessie shrieked, taking full advantage of the motor skills that had finally been returned to her and pushing back from James.

"Um, well… I… uh…" James was at a loss for words.

"I thought you were gay!" Jessie exclaimed, looking for something to wash out her mouth. She spotted the bottle of vodka and reached for it, but she stopped herself just before it reached her lips. That was how she had gotten into this mess.

"I told you I'm not gay!" James yelled, waving his arms for drunken emphasis.

"B-but the hair! The clothes! THE FAKE BOOBS!" Jessie stammered, eyes wide.

"I LIKE BEING PRETTY!" James shouted in retaliation. "Is that such a crime?"

"I… I guess not," Jessie admitted, sitting back down.

The two sat in awkward silence for a moment, James hiccupping every so often.

Finally, James broke the silence. "Was I that repulsive?"

"I cannot believe we are talking about this," Jessie mumbled into her knees.

"Answer me!" James demanded. "Am I so disgusting that you just HAD to push me away?"

"No!" Jessie replied. "Well, maybe a little. But that's not the reason I pushed you away!"

"Then why?" James whined, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"It was a bit unexpected, that's all," Jessie understated.

"Would you do it again?" James asked. "I-I mean, if I give you fair warning next time."

"M-maybe," Jessie said, a deep red blush starting to spread across her face. "Once I've gotten used to the idea of you being straight."

Her words did little to erase the look of rejection on James's face. In fact, if she didn't know any better, she'd have thought he was crying.

"Hey, hey, cheer up," Jessie murmured, kneeling to his level and patting him on the shoulder in a rare display of nurturing.

"You think I'm disgusting!" James cried, his lower lip trembling.

"No! Nonono!" Jessie reassured him, glancing around awkwardly. If she had known that this was how the day would end, she wouldn't have touched that damn alcohol.

"So you do like me?" James asked, peeking through teary eyes at his partner.

"Duh, stupid, otherwise I wouldn't have kept you as my partner," Jessie replied, back to her old, abrasive self.

"Good," James smiled, wrapping his arms around Jessie and burying his face in her chest. "I like you, too."

Jessie was about to yell something very rude that would probably send James back to his previous, sniffling, rejected state, but upon closer investigation of her partner, she found that it would be no use. The blue haired drunk had already passed out and was now drooling on her jacket.

Groaning, Jessie hauled James over to his sleeping bag and tucked him in.

_Hm,_ she thought to herself, smiling, _he's kind of cute when he's not talking._ She brushed a few tendrils of hair off of his face and smiled as he mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep.

God, she hoped that neither of them would remember this in the morning.


End file.
